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Sunday, August 28, 2011

Marriage Identity or Owner's tag???

Tali- South Indian marriage Identity
I have always believed in dressing up for myself and for the occasion.  Not that I do not respect other's opinion, but simply because I know what to wear and when to wear.  An addition to my cosmetics and jewellery after marriage is the Mangalsutra, Dejhor and sindoor.  I do love to wear all these when going for a traditional function.  Since I am in Stockholm and there is a drought of  traditional functions here, I wear them when I feel like.  But if someone forces me to wear it or attach some religious beliefs to it, then I will surely not do it.  I wear these things because I like them.  If sometimes and somedays I don't like them, then I am just fine without them. It is just like any other lipstick or watch that I wear.

Kashmiri marriage Identity
By now I am sure you know where this is leading to.  You do a search on any state and culture in India, a woman is supposed to sport some kind of a sign that she is married.  And in every case these symbols are linked to the longevity of husbands.  Your husband will live longer if you wear sindoor everyday, or your husband will love you more if sindoor gets sprinkled over your nose.  My mother's anxiety would know no bounds if sometimes my sister forgot her Tali in the bathroom.  I often used to make fun of her, so why are you not hanging your husband to your neck today :P :P.  What I am trying to say is you take any of these items each one of them is for the woman, to show that she is married.  It is like the family now owns a pet dog or a cat and has a master's tag around its neck.  And the second notion is of husband's long life.  Wonder why we have widows around if this was true.

I wish :) :)
So what, the world need not know that a man is married, why is he left free, and not under some vigilance? and the wife does not need long life is it?  So why do men not wear that sindoor so that their wives can live longer ?  or is it that they want them to die soon so as to get married again :P :P :P.  Come on, I mean who said all these signs and symbols are necessary for a happy and prosperous marriage.  I am sure any man or woman who is in love, wishes and prays for the well being of their spouses.  Tradition and culture is fun and women should have the freedom of choice.  When Rekha says in her movie, "Iss sindoor mein bahut shakti hai"  don't take it literally.  What is being meant is marriage as an institution is very powerful.  The only power a sindoor has is to get you called Aunty :D :D. 

I am a believer and believe in God.  So according to my beliefs when God made Adam and Eve He did not ask Adam to apply sindoor on Eve's forehead !!!
A wish come true, with Rohit Bal's collection :) :) :)
Currently my hubby is just thanking his stars.  He is glad I found these pix on Google, if not I would have asked him to model :) :) :) :)


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  2. Come on, have pity - husbands already have the "ball and chain" tag.

  3. I hear ya Sunita!I never used to wear any kinda chains normally and so if I wear the thali for a long time it feels as if it is cutting my neck or something! I wear it (and sindoor) only when/if I feel like. Thankfully neither my parents nor my in-laws really stress too much about it!

    As I am a Christian we also exchange rings-and both my husband and I wear them. I am glad that both us have to flaunt that we are married atleast with our rings!

  4. @ Yash Thks for your generous compliment :)
    @ Vikramji hahahahh.. ya i forgot that :)
    @ Anne thx for visiting..absolutely it should be a matter of choice..though I have seen many Christians in Kerala getting psyched up about the Minnu

  5. d pic of d guy with mangalsutra --- enuf to freak d male species!!

    yes, i too wear it when i like it n wud detest if someone thrust it down my throat.

    gud point there - y not something for women's longevity & ownership

    was imagining u coaxing ur hubby to pose for the mangalsutra pic to add value to ur blog

  6. Agreed. I do the same. We need no chains to keep us connected. It is all in the mind and heart. ;)

    I do wear thaaLi when there are elders coming home, I cannot stand the non-stop rant they go on with.

    I loved the final punching humour! :D

  7. I agree with your opinion .. your words just reminded me dialogues from raja ki aayegi baraat :P True, though times are changing, some jewels are made to glued evrytime. Thankfully, I am not married yet, but soon I realize i would also need to carry this status-id soon ! :P

  8. You know, you have said exactly what’s on my mind. I really don’t understand the significance of mangalsutra or sindoor except to tag a woman as married. And you have forgotten the toe ring which is also as mandatory as the Thali in South India. The lamest excuse I got when I questioned all this, is to protect the woman from “Paraye Mardh”….Whaaaaaaat???.. Does that really make sense????

  9. @ Sujatha: ya that coaxing hubby scenario.. i wish i could do :) :)
    @ Spicy sweet: you said it gal, ranting by the orthodox and superstitious people is the reason many women would wear it :) :)
    @Aarti Kumari: Welcome to Sukupedia :) :)..status id yeah..comes free with marriage :)
    @ Prasanna: Welcome to Sukupedia :) :).. protection from paraya mardh it seems..wonder how these people would explain rape and eveteasing of married women!!

    Thx for visiting and all your valuable comments friends :)

  10. Wow, do the women still have to wear the mangal soother? In 1971 when I did not wear my "Kaali Poth" to a function I was given a thrashing lecture by my brother in law. Well, if men want to think that their life depends on a necklace, more power to women. LOL

  11. Loved this post, have similar views about such symbolic gestures myself, my hubby though does wear a wedding band, ever since we moved to the US, just as a symbol or being a married man.
    Thankfully I do not any family members who insist on me having to wear any of the symbols, be it mangalsutra or toe rings or whatever, and so I wear when I like, without having drama...

  12. Every religion, culture, tradition has its set of dress code etc, one would wear them only if they respect their religion n tradition n culture I guess...
    During adam n eve’s time, it was perhaps beginning of tradition & culture :P

  13. @Munir women power lol good one :)
    @ AAD: yes exactly there should be a freedom of choice
    @Deeps: I guess traditions and cultures are only for women right??

  14. It's the feeling that connects two hearts not the chains and colors.Good points Sunita. :)

  15. its up to there own whether to wear the mangalsuthra(ms) or not, it can be used for some reason like:-1.to show that she is already married and not available. 2.but you should proud to be wear ms that you keeping the traditions well. 3. and I feel lucky that we guys don't have to wear this ms that we already married and we are taken... hahahha. but as I am hindu I never force my wife to wear ms or apply sindoor.

  16. excellent post agree with you

  17. LOL...I wish guys can wear few things as well showing their marital status...Enjoyed your post a lot!!!

  18. @ abhisek: true :)
    @ star anise: 1) then even men should wear something to show that they are not available 2) yes, if someone wants to keep up with traditions sure, but no one should be forced 3) thats exactly what i am saying even women should be free rite ? :) :) :)
    @ sm: thank you :) :)
    @ Saru: glad you liked it :) :)

    Thank you for your visit & comments everyone :) :) :)

  19. Lol.. I am sure you would have won places in the women fraternity for this :D

    I can't comment further since marriage itself is an abstract notion for me, say apart the customs with it. :)
    Loved the last line thought, your husband must be a strong man :D


  20. @ aakash: Welcome to SuKupedia :) :)
    aare not only woman, even men who think their lives are not dependent on some chain and powder have supported :) :) :) and about my hubby yeah very strong man, despite the whole world warning him, he married ME lol !!

  21. Loved the pictures! Never thought of googling for 'men wearing thali' or 'men wearing sindoor' :)

    But seriously these symbols do a lot of harm, don't forget how cruelly they are snatched away when the husband dies.
    And what if a woman does not marry? That too must be announced.

    Shahrukh Khan made it easier for all Indian men by staying hungry with Kajol in DDLJ when she fasted for his long life on Karvachauth. I am sure in future these things will be either followed by both (like wedding bands or maybe pendants etc) or they will disappear. Simply because now women can choose unlike earlier when these things could be forced upon them. It will take time but it will change.

  22. :) thank you for your comments IHM, u r rite.. it will surely change with time :) :)


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