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Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Parenting Matters !!

The famous journalist and author, Hodding Carter, Jr. once said "There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots, the other is wings".  I totally love this quote and in my opinion the road to wings from roots can never be filled with fear, it has to be nurtured with courage and freedom of expression.

I had read in the news that Salim Khan (Salman Khan's father) had given his Filmfare Award that he won for the movie  "Zanjeer" to the makers of  "Chillar Party".  When I watched the movie I knew exactly why he did so.  Its a very beautiful movie, basically a small team of kids trying to stop a corrupt politician from playing politics.  In this scenario where India is fighting corruption and with the likes of Anna Hazare fasting and campaigning against corruption, this movie really got me some goose bumps.  You know goose bumps rite ? the small dotted pimple like things which come on your skin and makes your skin look like a chicken skin :) :)  Mostly people like me who stay abroad get them when we hear our National Anthem and get filled with patriotism, which slowly subsides when we see our currency exchange rates :D :D :D

So coming back to our Chillar Party, I was thinking watching that movie, when exactly did we start fearing the system ?  Remember as kids nobody could rob us of anything.  We exactly knew how to make our parents say yes to our little demands.  We really did not care about what the world thought about us.  Basically I think there was no fear in our minds.  I mean we would try to walk and fall, but cry, smile, whatever and walk again. Nobody could stop us.  Though we could not walk properly we would try to run and then hit ourselves against some furniture and fall down.  But did it stop us.. nooooo :) :) :)   So what happened after that, when did this emotion called fear creep into our minds ?  

Hmm lets see.  Not many of us would remember stories of when we were 3, but you must have certainly watched a 3 year old play.  You know when it is running around, the mother would be like... "no baby do not run you will fall, remember the last time you fell you had blood all over your knee. "  Ahhh!! there you are the first seeds of fear. "OMG!! why are you stamping on the book, now see God will punish you"   It is amazing how the only lovable superpower is turned into fearful dragons in our minds :) :). "You did not do your homework, now your teacher will beat you"  There you go...fear of physical abuse.  "If you do not study and pass your class then your friends will go to another class and they will make fun of you"  Shame and fear of the society is thus first successfully sown.  And the most famous one is "Eat your food or the red haired witch will come and eat you up" I mean even to eat their food kids are threatened, and btw in India it is the most famous "Budda Baba" (old bearded man) that will catch you and go if you do not finish your food :D :D.  And then growing up as a teenager it is even more bitter and fearful.  Maybe some day if a child realises that it need not fear anything and protests then the child becomes a "Rebel" for the parents.

I am very sure most of the readers would agree that the root cause of problems faced by any adult is the parenting they have had.  Giving birth to a child and providing food and shelter is not what parenting is all about.  It is one of the most important things though.  As parents you have to become now, what you want your children to become in future.  Dont use fear as a mechanism to make them do what you want them to do.  Talk to them see why they are doing what they are doing.  Dont scare them, using fear of society, shame of colleagues etc., Your kids are not custodians of your social status, so stop using the famous tag line, "You do not care for your parents reputation".  Come on we can all do better than this !!!



  1. Very well written... Impressed with the way u described how fears grow in child mind.. N at last Parenting is very important matters.. Sometimes either of the parents r too busy, or sometimes not concerned n many times ignorant abt proper parenting.. The clear difference you can notice wen u see some cute n smart small child performing so well in films or tv.. U feels like tht child is so brilliant, but wat abt urs? Parenting is like Planting a tree, how well u do, the better result u get


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