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Saturday, October 8, 2011

Need Permission to Live !!!!

Should this child be returned to its parents??

The above news did something to me this morning.  I do not know what.  I don't know if it was shock, sadness or anger.  But when I finished reading it, the first sentence I told my husband was,"She is a fighter".  And this is what he said, "Ya she must have thought I just finished a struggle to come out of the womb, so maybe this is something similar and that is why I should try and put my head out".  

In the above link you can see some minister saying about girls and boys being equal.  REALLY??? If you want them to be equal treat them equal.  Don't ask a girl to change her surname just because now she is married.  It sounds like a dog owner's tag.  First she was owned by so and so and now she belongs to so and so.  If you want them to be equal, then don't tell your daughter-in-law that now she cannot take care of her parents or her old parents cannot come and stay in her house along with her husband and kids because it is their daughter's house.  Unless you think they are equal you can never treat them equal.  We live in a world where a girl has to take permission to breathe.

I can site such thousand reasons but right now my only question is, when this child's parents are found should she be returned to them???


  1. The baby was unwanted for her family and hence they abandoned her. It is unlikely that they will accept her back; or may be they would. The bigger question is "does the mother or the father have the right to discard/kill their new-borns"? Also, is it right that we have a right to decide for them?

    From an angle, killing a baby seems better than giving it an abused or neglected childhood. We will have fewer criminals in this world if their parents living in difficult situations killed them rather than sending to some orphanages from which they went on to become anti-social and unethical lives.

    These are some of the thoughts which are in the process of shaping up in my mind, after reading some creative economists and thinkers. I have yet not made any conclusions.

    For this incident, you are very right that the baby tried to "fight" and replicated the process of getting born. I wish her a long and safe life. Though I am not sure how many of those go on to do something constructive. We make case-studies out of some exceptions who had troubling childhood and yet went on to become great men and women - but what about the majority who live the lives of animals on the street...

  2. For the custom of changing surnames and the situation where girls have more responsibility towards her inlaws than her own parents, I too shared exactly the same views as you have now. Then I thought from many angles and shared views with many others. I also got feel of the "social structure" which has made such customs and compromises.

    Changing surnames after marriage is done also for "convenience". I and my wife can't carry a marriage certificate everywhere and wherever we want to appear as husband and wife - it is natural that if we have a common surname appearing in our photo-IDs we won't be suspected. But if we have very different names, like D. Krishnan and S. Singh - who is going to believe we are husband and wife (at places like hotels/conferences/any social event where IDs are asked)? Unless we present some certificate, which is too much to do always.

    Our social structure demanded that the new bride should make more bonds with her in-laws. This required to some extent that she tries to forgo or forget her earlier bonds with her "previous family". I have seen those brides who have not done this and lived a long life where everyone at her "new family" is dissatisfied with them as they don't show either genuine respect or love for them, while they go back to their old family in case of any need or on any festival. Therefore, due to very practical reasons the society demands loosening of bonds with old family, so that new bonds form with the new family properly...

  3. always a struggle. is it because we are stronger? or have we become stronger after having seen or been through so much?

  4. What makes you think the child would not have been buried alive if it was a boy?

  5. @ KrRahul: If it was a matter of convenience of having the same surname why did you not take up your wife's surname?? There is no law in India that says you cannot take your wife's surname,.....and about the family bonds...are you not going to bond with your wife's family in any way ???
    @ SuJu: We have always been stronger there is no doubt..that is precisely the reason why we are pushed so hard...
    @ Rahul: You are right even if it was a baby boy and it was an unwanted child then it would have been buried by such cruel parents. But my reference to girl child abuse was not with that child being buried, but the minister stating the equality rights.

  6. Well, I have a friend who is annoyed with me as she is pregnant for the second time. Reason is I said, I wish you have a daughter this time. She will bring warmth in the family. A person who is qualified, extremely rich and has a son, doesn't want a daughter. I'm unable to understand what people think, infact what females think. Whatever you said, I don't see it happening in near future.

  7. @Kr Rahul
    You say, //Our social structure demanded ... loosening of bonds with old family, so that new bonds form with the new family properly.//

    - This faulty social system has lead to killing of baby girls for centuries, and now fetuses and brides too.

    If we do not change the cause (i.e. Gender Bias and disrespect for girls) - we will never be able to treat the symptoms (i.e. unwanted daughters, crimes against women etc)'

    We have Reservations for boys in inheritance, family name, freedom, caring for parents, being allowed to be born, travel freely day or night, live life long with their biological parents, dress the way they like, to get away with harassing women, even education in most parts of India is reserved for boys, so is better medical care.

    We need to change this.
    How can that be done?

    What is the biggest reason for parents not wanting to have daughters?

    Daughters can't care for their parents in their old age, only sons can.
    Because daughters have to take care of their husband's parents.

    So for centuries Indian mothers have been pressurized to be mothers of a hundred sons. Girls have for centuries been unwelcome.

    How can this change?
    All the children, sons or daughters, should have equal rights and responsibilities.

    So married sons and daughters should take full responsibilities for taking care of both the side of parents. Remember, parents of daughters become senior citizens too.

    A girl's parents can never come and stay in her in laws house, just like a boy's parents will not be able to come and stay in their daughter in law's parents' house.

    So the couples should live in their own house - where both the sets of parents can feel comfortable.

    Sounds difficult?

    This is already happening and only those families who accept this, actually and truly value their girl children.
    For the rest, daughters remain Paraya Dhan and sons remain Budhape ka Sahara.

    You also say,

    //Changing surnames... if we have a common surname appearing in our ... which is too much to do always.//

    This is because hotels and society is used to the system of women taking their husband's names. This is changing and should change.


    One big reason why Indian parents don't want daughters is because they can't carry the family name forward.

    These days many Indian girls keep their own names after getting married and even their children have BOTH the parents' names.

    This way a daughter's parents also don't wish they had aborted their daughters and tried for sons to carry their family names.

    How do the children carry both the parents' names? The couple can decide how.

    Supposing the wife is called :
    Sunita Nanda and the husband is called Shwet Bachchan. Then their child will be called Aryaa Nanda Bachchan, OR Aryaa Bachchan Nanda etc etc.

    And if the family wants the same name, then they can adopt each others' names, like Abhishek Rai Bachchan and Aishwarya Rai Bachachn. After all, Aishwarya Rai's parents have worked as hard as Abhishek's parents in raising their daughter. If we don't change this system, parents will continue to favour boys over girls and desperate parents will continue to bury their daughters alive.

  8. Suku - This was horrifying - I am sure there are many more girls buried and never found. Tweeted the news link.

  9. Hmmm..age old issue and no solution yet. Sad and disgusting!

  10. it's sad..
    but I guess, times are changing if you see it lil positively. The generation we belong to, has a different mindset, atleast the one who are educated, but we can't deny the bias rooted in our traditions. Hope things change with time.

    How are you Suku? Me back :)


  11. Is it possible she was buried assuming she is dead?

    And well a woman's life is never hers....or is it?

  12. @ Saru: I commend you for your thoughts ya.. and seriously pity ur friend
    @ IHM: Thank you so much for your comments...exactly the answers to all the questions..thx for sharing RS's link
    @ Pooja: Absolutely. But if you see IHM's comment we realise that the solution is really in our hands, its just a matter of implementation.
    @ Aakash: welcome back, good to see you around, missed ur posts :) :)..and ya u r right, surely times are changing
    @ Chintu: ha its possible..and about the women's life..what do we say :) :)

  13. i really cannot think how parents could be so cruel to young one... :( :(

  14. It is really disgusting and horrible. I have seen with my eyes who dont want a girl child.

  15. SHOCKING! UNNERVING! GOD!! How can they even do this?!
    Equality? This the talk of the elitist class! Talk of this in villages, they care a damn!
    We find a lot of male chauvinists there.
    Unless we educate EVERY soul in the country, this problem is not getting solved.

    And I agree with all other points of yours!

  16. No. The child should never be returned to the parents. If you ask me what to be done then, I don't know.

    -Good one.A post with a tone of aggression! I could sense the fire. Keep it glowing.

    Gender equality is all on papers and speeches. When it comes to practical application, we are lagging behind. In some part of the county, being a female still could be a reason for not getting the basic education ( excerpts from my post on WHO MDG report 2011: http://bigbitz.blogspot.com/2011/08/miles-to-go-before-we-sleep.html )

    As you said, we need to do something about it.

  17. @ Kranti: Welcome to SuKupedia :) we live in a world where every second house would have this story if we did not do something to change it
    @ Sahana: Exactly...education and awareness alongwith help for implementation seems to be the only key
    @ LeoPaw: Welcome to SuKupedia :)...I really hope this generation does something to stop all this nonsense

  18. Well, It makes me wanna rip their hearts out, those butcher who treat women like this.
    If you say changing the surname is for convenience then a guy should change name. I can go on and on launching a tirade of abuse. My emotions run high whenever I read or come across something like this.


    Megha Sarin

  19. I don’t know what to say coz i am just shocked and saddened. Just thinking that how people can do this to their own flesh and blood. Unimaginable. Animals are better than such human beings. I am 4 months pregnant and I am praying feverishly every day that I get a girl. I want a baby girl desperately.

  20. @ Megha: U share the emotions of lot of women around... sad that the development is so slow
    @ Prasanna: Congrats ya :) :) whatever the child is I pray it brings you lot of joy :) :)


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