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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Love is for Real :) :)

So I am dedicating a post to Love...remember I said November will see a lot of love on SuKupedia :) :) :)

Recently I read a very good post on Science of Love, No it was not by chance, I was actually googling for the meaning of love.  I read a lot of articles and verses.  But seriously practically not all of them made sense.  So I started drafting out my own thoughts about what I thought Love was.

I have always refused to believe and propagate Love as a single phenomenon.  In my opinion it is a combination, a parcel of lot of things.  Every package named Love contains ingredients in them, some are compulsory without which the package is incomplete and some are optional which depends on the personal choices of the selector of that package.  To me it clearly does not make sense when someone uses phrases like Love at first sight and something like bus yuhi hogaya yaar... Come on what world are we living in.  Nothing happens just like that and that too especially with humans.   In my opinion when someone says Love at first sight, it is clearly and only Physical Attraction !!  And I have no idea why people scare away from saying that he/she is physically attracted to someone.  Sight means to see and what you see is the external beauty.  Beauty or good looks is again a completely relative word and depends on each one-s personal definition.   

For me the important or compulsory parameters were surely presentable, respect, humility, God fearing, and family oriented character.  These things I could never compromise on and I was very sure.  And I am not ashamed to say that it was Ritchie-s good looks that got me to talk to him.  If he did not fit my category of good looks then I would have spoken but not continued.  Falling in love was a process for me.  It started from attraction and then slowly covered all the parameters important for me to be in love.  My father and brother were the standard for any man to be in my life.  They might not be the perfect men for someone else, but for me it was important that the man of my life had reflections of some of their characters which I admired the most. 

Financial independence was not so important, but a good education definitely mattered to me.  Not that Ritchie had to show his resume to me :D :D, but in my opinion if you have not got your degrees then you should be Steve Jobs.  Do not give me all those fundas that its school drop outs who make it big.  Sure they do, but ask them and they have never employed a school drop out in their own company at Director level.  They go to big league schools and career fairs to find their employees.  My dad was a school drop out, and made it really big in his career but that does not mean he asked his kids to stop schooling.  He always emphasized on academic performance.  So since it never happened I can say that I was never attracted to a person who told me that he was a school drop out and DID NOTHING ABOUT IT.  

Family has been so important to me always.  My family can compete with Ekta Kapoor when it comes to drama and win an award.  Each one is a dramatic character :D :D.  But they are the reason I am there.  Any man who would abuse his family and show me that he cared two hoots about his mom and dad will sooooo not even enter the list for me.  The other things on my list respect, humility, and being a God fearing person were all seen in Ritchie through time.  Do not ask me about his list,  I do not know about his own list :D.  

What I am trying to say is each one has some reason to be with some one.  Falling in love just does not happen like falling down the staircase.  You surely do get glued because of the first impression which would surely be physical attraction.  Then you begin to progress.  This whole process of love should be freely flowing between two people.  Even the other person should feel what you feel.   If not then the flow is only one sided and then the result is a flood.  Flood of emotions, which turns into obsession for some and depression for the other.  Whoever told you that you will know when you meet the right person in a single moment was joking.  Probably that genius was drunk or not in his senses.  No seriously yaar, it can never happen that you realise something so important as Love in a single moment.  If you do not let that moment pass and remain stuck to that moment weaving your love story around that moment it will in most cases turn into disaster.  Mainly you may realise that you were the only one who was weaving that story and the other person did not even know it.  

Love is not a single moment phenomenon.  It takes time to develop and if you do not give that time and want to hurry up things just because you are still in that moment all that you would get is a bucketful of emotions.  When I told Ritchie for the first time that I loved him, what I really meant was ... Dude you fit the category and it would be nice to spend my entire life with you.  If I have to be a little flexible about certain things then I am fine about it.  There is no point in saying I love you and then for your entire life keep pointing out all the wrong things that your partner does.   I am not underestimating the emotional quotient attached with love.  Surely it has a lot of value.  I love my man and would do everything to keep him with me and never let him go.  But from the point I saw him to the point where I said MY MAN, the emotional attachment has increased from lower to higher.  It was a process and still is. 

And for heavens sake when you happen to see that special someone whom you get attracted to, DO NOT under any circumstance play any Bollywood or Hollywood songs in your car picturising yourself in the song.  Wait till that moment of attraction has passed.  It only happens in movies that even when you do not have a job, you do not have money to eat, even then when you see your girl, you imagine yourself in Switzerland with her.  Get Real.  Love and companionship is more than that moment.   Remember that phrase which says, it does not matter where you are or how much you have, it only matters WHO you are with.  Dear Readers, that WHO is important, do not let that decision be made only with your heart or do not let Shakespeare and Sharukh influence it either.  You can leave them for later :) :)


  1. On one hand people believe in love at first sight, but then there are those who believe love is blind!!

    As you mentioned, love is a gradual process.. And is a mixture of a lot of aspects including family, personality, financial stability (even friendship)!!

    Nice post!! :)

  2. this is really some good gyaan...will surely remember these things and try to follow it... :) :)

    I calculated every risk before falling for BH. Even my MIL called me business minded. I said, I don't mind to be called so. Because I had to convince my parents on the guy I chose. They should be convinced that their daughter will be in safe hands.
    Love just grows on us!
    Loved this post Sunita. Muah! For reminding me those sweet old days..

  4. Different perspective and amazing explanation :)
    @suku: what about the italian waiter in a recent(prev post u have explained something) what's that called as ?? LOL

  5. Explaining love is a tuff task.

    I appreciate your efforts. liked the way you described.

    i have joined your site too.


  6. i liked the post ... wonderful thoughts ! and very clear and transparent views ...

  7. Sukoooooooooooooooooooooooo :)

    Who ever I dated, I hated at the first sight! One person I loved because of "love at first sight" and I was in my own world, as you mentioned...I am a flirt to the T and I fall in love almost everyday, sometimes with the same man, sometimes with different, but yeah not the real love...just stupid one glance love.

    I am all for it when you mention about composing the meaning of love base don various factors...good looks, darn I am a sucker of good looks, education....earlier I wasn't if today I plan to find a man for my sister or god forbid myself, I would love to have someone from stanford! Hell why not !!

    And I hate Apple for not hiring me and google too :-/ MS too for that matter, when they can have a drop out dude leading the company then I am not bad either...

    Itna senti kar dia, I had to switch on Ye Dooriyan from Love Aaj Kal....


    ps: i was waiting for you to write, bloworld bore maar raha hai aajkal :|

  8. Wow! You have done your Phd in the subject!! Such a detailed post, covering almost everything... There is nothing left for me to write :P
    Have a great day Sunita:)

  9. All I know of love is that it is the most dangerous word in the world :)

  10. oh god! i am panicking! i wrote a guest post for a fellow blogger on the 3rd of Nov which she'll publish only NEXT MONTH & already i see thoughts/sentences/traces of it here in this post & that makes me feel"ouch, my post is going to be so redundant now" & then i thought, "god, how is it that we thought alike on some of these things?"

    not the entire post Sunita in fact i defer on many things here but the pehle pehle jo pyar mein hota hai,the attraction bit, etc etc

  11. this for sure happens to be one of the most mature and 'realistic' post I have read on love till now!
    BUt, but..u forgot to mention 'sense of humour to d list'. It also comes as one of the essentials for me :D

    And I loved ur closing lines :)


  12. suku :P

    tu kitni sexy hai :P

    i liked this post so much i came here again....plus i had a waste day and i lost your email id...more reason to say hi again.....

  13. SO TRUE!!

    Its not just a moment phenomena!! And life is too huge a deal to be sealed in a moment anyway.I guess, the pros and cons,dos and don't are somehow sub consciously built in us, by observing and choosing whats right for us and acceptable to our family.I guess family background plays a big role.We somehow end up falling for a person we know will be accepted by our family.

    Great work Sunita!!

    P.s.: I like your writing style.Its so casual and straightforward.No frill just fact.Suits the topic!

    My world,my thoughts,my musings...

  14. Falling in love just does not happen like falling down the staircase....lol...

    I fell down so many times that when it was time I knew you should never fall in love. It should happen over a period of time. And hence it becomes a process. I totally agree that love is a package...Honest expression on the most surreal topic of the world...

    P. S.: I will fall for SRK but only for his intelligence and bank balance...

  15. @ Binu: thx :).. you know why they said Love is blind.. because when u decide to be in a relationship then you are ready to be flexible and let go of some imperfections of your partner..which the world thinks is not right.. and thats where the whole thing of love being blind emerged :) :)

    @ Skywalker: ha mata sunitanandhmayi ka gyaan :D :D

  16. @ Sahana: thx dear :) not surprising you did that.. you surely are an intelligent person :) :).. love grows on us.. such a wonderful phrase..:) :)

    @ Deepak: lol the italian waiter.. he was cute so obv it was upar wala pyaar.. hai kyu yaad dilaya.. :( :(

    @ Readitt: Welcome to SuKupedia :) :) .. no doubt it is a tuff job (phew) .. thx for your appreciation

    @ Ashish: transparent as your lenses :) :) thx

    @ Orchestra..: which world are we talking about here?? the world I am talking about love is the only thing that is safe:) :)

    @ SuJu: mostly sab log aisa hi sochte hai.. Cant wait to read your guest post to know your views :) :)

    @ Sarah: I am humbled by your words.. thx.. humor was on my hubby-s list he says.. :) :)

    @ Bluntu: thats your new name :P :P.. chintu poorana hogaya :) :).. bluntu thats what i am also saying.. parameters keep changing and why not we are humans after all.. jitna acha utna badiya hai :) :) .. aur bluntu thx for coming back.. <3 <3 <3

    @ Arti: Phd lol.. nahi abhi to shooru kiya hai :)

    @ Upasana: you are so generous with your compliments thank you :) :).. Family yes it is surely most imp for me..

  17. @ Saru: thx dear <3 <3 <3... SRK really i thought you were a Sallu fan :D :D :D

  18. I can really connect myself to this post. I fell for my guy just because he was a family oriented person with lots of concerns. I could see how much he cared for his family. So I knew, If I become a part of his life, I will get the same privileges. :)
    Keep rocking Sukupedia!!!

  19. Hey Suku,

    Have been a silent(pls dont ask y) reader of urs (actually urs/sujatha's/chintan's/suruchi's) blog daily for almost 2 weeks now..
    Has become my daily morning dose nowadays :-))

    This post was great, but more importantly loved the efforts spent on a topic so complex!!
    Physical attraction is the only link for love at first sight, and I am 100% with this..

    But a slight difference of opinion after reading the below sentence:
    'You surely do get glued because of the first impression which would surely be physical attraction. Then you begin to progress'

    Have been through a case where the guy was not attractive by normal standards(balding and fat). Was not attracted to him at first.
    But with time, gelled a lotttt n could practically read each others minds..I totally fell for him..
    It didnot work out for different reasons, but If there is something called as soulmates, then he fitted in the
    best for me...In this case.. it was his nature and atttitude, that drawed me to him..
    Yours views on this..?
    Or Have you covered the Love at first sight case only, which makes my above point totally invalid here..?

    Luv Jenny

    PS: Was to comment yesterday, but thought to go through the post again.. after the 3rd read.. finally my opinion :-)

  20. I agree with what you said about love @ first sight. That happens only in movies and in some cases if it happens in real life, then both the guy n gal has to b filmy :P
    Love does begin with physical attraction but it cannot survive only on that.

  21. @ magic eye: was wondering where you were :) long time.. good to see you :)

    @ Jane: thx ya.. thats what i am trying to convey that we start liking someone because of something and then slowly as we progress things develop and then the total package is love :)glad u found the guy of your dreams :)

    @ Jenny: welcome to SuKupedia :) :).. ok i will not ask you why you are a silent reader :).. but i have to tell you I really appreciate the way you took time to read the post and understand it before commenting.. all the gals u mentioned above will surely agree to what i say :) :) thank you very much :) :) .. hmm coming back to love.. yes u r right that statement was for people who speak and believe in Love at first sight :) :) .. your point is absolutely valid.. you dont have to be attracted first it can further grow on interactions...but there must have been something about this person that persuaded you to continue your interactions with him .. hai na... :) :).. I feel sorry that it did not work out.. but maybe that was how it was meant to be <3 <3 <3

    @ Prasanna: thx dear :).. totally love surely can begin with a physical attraction but you have to cross that moment and evaluate further because a relationship cannot survive solely on physical attributes and in my opinion it surely must not :) :)

  22. You said it all!Those who believe in love at first sight are the ones to get disillusioned with love as soon as they see wet towels on their bed or an open and missing toothpaste cap in their shared bathroom.
    One aspect which I feel is very important for love to gradually mature after initial attraction,is friendship.I married my best friend and we remain so after years of being together.Roses and gifts after a while cease to be important for expression of love,'aadat'(ek doosre ki)is love.It becomes more about how much you miss the other if you are apart even for a day.
    I too have a lot of my dad in Hobbs the hubby ,I love it and crib about it too.:D

  23. @ Neeraj: thx

    @ Sharmila: welcome to SuKupedia :).. hope you like it here... that thing u said about aadat.. seriously why why did i not think about it.. it is sooo true.. as another reader here said.. love grows on us.. :) :)

  24. Sukooooo, Yes I'm calling you that from now on. Your blog's ambience is purely soo nice. I've read so many of your posts but my lazy butt decides to comment today ;) I'm sorry on its behalf. This posts just made me jump up and comment.
    And the fact that you actually googled the meaning of love is beyond cute. I don't fall in love that very often but the idea is always tempting. And yes, I don't let Shakespeare and Shahrukh influence me either :D Because you know, nothing happens just like that :D
    And I've never believed in the concept of Love at first sight. How on earth can you look at a person and instantly fall in love ? haan, hate at first sight can be an option :D

    Visit my latest post, I have a gift for you :)

  25. Love is real


  26. @ Serendipity: i saw ur comment after i read ur post.. but thank you once again for the gift.. it is lovely :) :)and i like that hate at first option too :) :)

    @ mycreations: thx :) but i wish you had written more than that :(

  27. Beautifully written piece.
    You are right when you say: "Love is not a single moment phenomenon. It takes time to develop..."
    This is true especially in an arranged marriage.

  28. Very touching piece! :-) Really enjoyed reading it! And I agree, that love is a process. I never got that whole love at first sight thing anyway!

  29. Thanku Vikramji :).. it is true in love marriages too but people dont realise it.. they just take love marriages for granted

    @ Rohan: thank you :)....u could not get it because something like that does not exist :)

  30. Yup. That's what I have always believed. Love at first sight is actually and purely LUST. And is very much natural too. Love is a feeling of wanting to be with someone not only in your present but with whom you can dream of a future...

  31. Hi Prosenjeet.... I agree totally.. but i wouldnt call it lust thats a strong projection of the sexual feeling which is not always the case..

  32. The issue with lovers is, they like each other after seeing the best part of their partners. These people generally have to face the Truth sooner or later, because they have not seen the worst part of their partners yet. Having a balanced perspective is very important and for that matter, 'falling in love' is a hopeless concept.

  33. Well ES I totally agree to that point but you know what is more weird forget about seeing the bad part most of us even do not accept that there can be a bad part ....

  34. Nice level headed list..liked it a lot.

    But it reminded me of Draupadi.She was born as Nalayani (daughter of Nala and Dhamayanthi) She had in that lifetime prayed to Shiva to grant her a husband with five desired qualities. Shiva, pleased with her devotion, tells her that it is very difficult to get a husband with all five qualities that she desired. But she sticks to her ground and asks for the same. Then Lord Shiva grants her wish saying that she would get the same in her next birth with five husbands.

    I believe in "Jodiyaan upar se ban kar aati hain"

  35. Loved the post..especially the part about weaving a story around a single moment!!
    :) TC

  36. @bemoneyaware: welcome to SuKupedia :) that certainly is a nice example :) :)

    @ Rahul: thanks glad u liked it :)


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