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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Advisors for Women!!

Day #30 of The Ultimate Blog Challenge....You can read my other posts for the Challenge here :) 

Day 30 bloggers....woohooo!! we are almost there.  Four Themes in a month, Challenges, Travel, Food & 7 Deadly Sins.  Yesterday was the last of the sin.  We have two more days to go and as I had said earlier they would not be theme based.  Today's post, I have been long wanting to write, and so here it is....

'What a woman should do, how she should do, 10 steps to great womanhood, we have all many times seen and read all such kind of articles.  Well, some are really well researched and informative while others like the one below by our own Mr. Chetan Bhagat is what I call as a 'trash bin advice'.  

This article of his was published in the TOI and since then I have no idea how many times it has been circulated.  On facebook you can see women sharing this and saying 'Share this if you are proud to be a woman'.  Seriously?? I have reproduced Mr. Bhagat's article and point wise my reply to him. 

Chetan Bhagats Article in TOI : Specially for Indian Women. Do Read it and share it with all the women in your life

Alright, this is not cool at all. A recent survey by Nielsen has revealed that Indian women are the most stressed out in the world: 87% of our women feel stressed out most of the time. This statistic alone has caused me to stress out. Even in workaholic America, only 53% women feel stressed.

Mr. Bhagat, I have not seen the survey that you are talking about, but if this survey has compared women in India and women in America, that itself has a flaw.  'Parameters' Mr. Bhagat is a very important factor when it comes to comparisons.  This is taught in schools in India in the statistics subject, that apple cannot be compared with pears.  You, I believe are a product of IIM!! They must have surely taught you this in the FY of your MBA, but then you must have been busy with extra curricular activities to note this important thing.

What are we doing to our women? I'm biased, but Indian women are the most beautiful in the world. As mothers, sisters, daughters, colleagues, wives and girlfriends - we love them. Can you imagine life without the ladies?

'Indian women are the most beautiful in the world' - Mr. Bhagat for this statement alone you should be stoned.  But good that you mentioned that your opinion is biased.  What do you mean by 'we love them as mothers, sisters, daughters.......?' don't you love a woman for being herself.  Would you love a woman less, if she chose not to perform any of the above mentioned roles.  And when you said 'Can you imagine life without the ladies?' just after mentioning these roles, you almost sounded like as if a woman was a 'super hand held machine'.

For now, i want to give Indian women five suggestions to reduce their stress levels.

This is Epic!! Your advice is only for 'Indian' women, why not American?  53% of American women are also stressed according to the survey you mentioned, right?  Then why only 'Indian' women? Ohhh, right, because American women have a different life style altogether.  See now, what I mean by 'Parameter'.  

One, don't ever think you are without power. Give it back to that mother-in-law. Be who you are, not someone she wished you would be. She doesn't like you? That's her problem.

Ok.  Here you sounded like, if your mother-in-law opens her mouth and asks you to change a bit then just smash her.  You don't know Indian women at all, do you?  We are brought up in a culture where we respect elders.  Yes we argue, negate and put forth our demands but 'giving it back to the mother-in-law' is not the exact word.  The women who read your articles are educated and know exactly how to keep their stubborn in-laws in place and the poor women who cannot do this are also the women who cannot read your article because they are busy earning livelihood for their family.  'Give it back' it seems, if it was that easy you think so many daughter in laws would have committed suicides or been burnt alive!!

Two, if you are doing a good job at work and your boss doesn't value you - tell him that, or quit.  Talented, hard-working people are much in demand.

Quit...right and do what?? write a book like you?? Do you know that in today's world how important it is for both the parents to work, so that a family can run smoothly.  There are few blessed families who don't need it, but there are others who have to figure it out.  Why should any woman quit her job, because her boss is not finding her worth?  She has an HR department or higher bosses, can she not complain, fight and use her right than just quitting? I don't understand when you say 'Give it back to your mother-in-law' then why aren't you saying 'Give it back to your Boss', why?

Three, educate yourself, learn skills, network - figure out ways to be economically independent. So next time your husband tells you that you are not a good enough wife, mother or daughter-in-law, you can tell him to take a hike.

You know here you make it sound like, a woman is in all these relationships, only because she needs money.  Once she has the economical independence, then she can say tata bye bye to all of them.  You really think women are that cheap?  I agree a woman should educate herself and all that, but in a case where the family does not want her, then why the hell should she earn?? They should bloody well pay for her maintenance.  

Four, do not ever feel stressed about having a dual responsibility of family and work. It is difficult, but not impossible. The trick is not to expect an A+ in every aspect of your life. You are not taking an exam, and you frankly can't score cent per cent (unless you are in SRCC, of course). It is okay if you don't make four dishes for lunch, one can fill their stomach with one. It is okay if you don't work until midnight and don't get a promotion. Nobody remembers their job designation on their dying day.

hahahahahahah....seriously Mr. Bhagat, you will say 'don't feel stressed' and  you think, we women will not feel stressed, is it? We women can write a book on how to manage work life and personal life and also take part in blogging challenges :P.  You think the women are stressed because they cannot score an A+ in all?  No, they are stressed because all they need is a little bit of support and most of the time their families or colleagues don't give it to them. The stress is because of the traffic that takes them 2 hrs to reach home, whereas the actual distance is only of 20 minutes.  The stress is because, her child's school teacher believes in sending all the work home and call it home work.  The stress is because her husband believes in watching news then checking out the report card of their kid.  A+ is probably the last thing on her mind.

Five, most important, don't get competitive with other women. Someone will make a better scrapbook for her school project than you. Another will lose more weight with a better diet. Your neighbour may make a six-dabba tiffin for her husband, you don't - big deal. Do your best, but don't keep looking out for the report card, and definitely don't expect to top the class. There is no ideal woman in this world, and if you strive to become one, there will be only one thing you will achieve for certain - stress.

Here you are just repeating what you said above.  And I know where this comes from :P.  Remember in school when you want to score more marks all you have to do is, repeat the same points with different words.  We called it 'Phekology'.  Now I know what you did :D

So breathe, chill, relax. Tell yourself you are beautiful, do your best and deserve a peaceful life. Anybody trying to take that away from you is making a mistake, not you. Your purpose of coming to this earth is not to please everyone. Your purpose is to offer what you have to the world, and have a good life in return. The next time this survey comes, i don't want to see Indian women on top of the list. I want them to be the happiest women in the world. Now smile, before your mother-in-law shouts at you for wasting your time reading the newspaper. 

Next time this survey comes out, Mr. Bhagat can you please make sure they have their facts right.  Any statistical report should be based on same 'Parameters'.  So before you open your mouth and give your opinion, first confirm what survey are you talking about. OK!!

Please don't get me wrong....the callous nature of this letter is what has irritated me. Coming from someone, who is so well travelled and well educated this is nothing more than a trash bin advice....which is only fit to be circulated on FB but in real life this sure is not the solution!!!!

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  1. I have the writing of Chetan Bhagat and he has been 'thrashed' by numerous women but I wish he read that SuKu has written. You have hit the bull's eye. An educated man like CB w rites about viewing Indian women only as mother, daughters...........but only as a human being. A woman is either a 'devi' or a bad woman. Why can't she be grey? Comparing an apple and a pear is not common sense.

    and if a husband tells his wife that she is not a good wife or a DIL, ask him whether he is a good husband?

    and giving back to MILs many of the new gen girls are doing well. they do not need advice.

    well written and a true post.keep it up.(long isn't it)

    1. hahahaha no no .. no comment is ever long :D :D .. you are so right.. either the woman is on a high pedestal or treated worse than a door mat...

  2. I simply loved it how you made absolute mince meat of this high profile speech...!!!!!! men will be men, na? they will sound as if they are doing us a favour by saying these fancy things, without a blob of respect for us as a WOMAN ..just a woman. nothing else.

    1. handing out strips of ideas is women 'liberalisation' according to some...

  3. Hmmm, I don't know what to say. There is always an argument and a counter argument when it comes to women and stress and how they should manage it. I guess it all boils down to what the individual wants to do after all.

    1. exactly...how can there be a 5 step set plan for everybody ...

  4. It is a matter of perception. Chetan Bhagat is often verbally thrashed for whatever he says. On twitter he has a bunch of haters. Each and every book of his is ridiculed. But foreign authors are welcomed with open hands and idolized.
    I liked this article of CB and he has devised ways to empower women. It is not a solution to change the plight of women overnight - at least a few women who feel low and pressurized will find this article reassuring and promising. It may not change her life in any way, but it could make her feel good. That she is still worth it.
    I am not trying to debate or anything, again, its my view point .

    1. why shouldn't you debate Anita? If you have a point which needs to be heard ofcourse you should write it out...you know SuKupedia by now :)

      To say that Chetan Bhagat is not celebrated in India is a biased opinion...all his books are worshipped and hence gave film makers the idea to make movie...

      Why he is thrashed on twitter? we all know that...he seems to be having a 5 step plan for everyone... women, Muslim, youth of India... and yet really all are baseless...his facts itself are so wrong...like in this article..how do you compare Indian and American women?? his advice to deal with a MIL and with boss are not same...how can he say 'quit'...

      He is a writer, his words would have impact if rightly used...what is the point of wasting it....

  5. I enjoyed how you tore this guy up. LOL The man sounds clueless to me. Leave it to a man to think he has it all figured out.


    1. yes that is what this article does Kathy.. figuring it out in 5 steps... whereas women have ben struggling for centuries....

  6. Haha Bingo SuKu :) I like a few of CB's books but every time he opens his mouth to give advice I feel like hitting him. Especially his other article about 'outsourcing the parantha making work at home' for women.

    And when you say " No, they are stressed because all they need is a little bit of support and most of the time their families or colleagues don't give it to them. The stress is because of the traffic that takes them 2 hrs to reach home, whereas the actual distance is only of 20 minutes " I can only nod my head and say TRUE :)

    1. he just thought that this piece of crap that he doled out would be used like a bible by women and this will liberate them... O_O

  7. I sincerely hope CB is not reading this. If he already did, he might be sniffing and sobbing away into a hanky now. You literally shredded that guy into teeniest n tiniest of bits ever imaginable Girl! :D

    1. I don't think it will make any difference to him O_O he is being thrashed on twitter everyday :D :D

      his books were adored but that's it.. he has to use his brains while making such statements.. and use it positively I think

  8. I hate Chetan Bhagat he could write great gatsby all over in the same words I would still trash it. I am sorry that is the only thing I am partial to. He killed the joy of reading for me. Arghhhh I have so much against him I wish I could tell you. And well this one toh invites trouble all through, probably he wants exactly that!


    1. I liked his books.. the first one was exceptionally good...but the others were so so...

      but he thinks he has become a God suddenly and doling out such wonderful advices for women, muslims and youth of india the guy really needs some lessons himself....

  9. Chetan Bhagat ki ripper ho tum..I hate that idiot's narrow minded skewed viewpoints in life which he feels is worth sharing and makes him look like a ladies man.. That Guy needs a reality check and wish he is reborn as a woman instead.

    1. 'skewed view points' you said it gal... that is what his columns and articles are .... no research, no base, not even open to debate..he just passes on judgements...

  10. That is it.I was waiting for some lady to give him back.


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