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Thursday, July 25, 2013

Anger




Day #25 of The Ultimate Blog Challenge... You can read my other posts for the Challenge here :)


Today is SuKupedia's Happy Birthday ♥ and today for the first time I have experienced a power cut in Europe .  Suddenly two hours back lights just went off.  It is some circuit issued informed the customer service and electricity would be restored any time.  But I did not want to take a risk, what if the lights didn't come at all for the day? so I just decided to use the cyber cafe.  It's frankly been ages since I have come to a cyber cafe.  The last was when I used to sneak out of the house to chat with Ritchie 

Today's sin is Anger.  We all have something or the else to say about anger, don't we?? In my opinion, anger is really not that bad.  It is a perfectly healthy feeling which any human being or animal can go through.  But you know what is the difference between a human being and an animal; Animals don't know what to do when they get angry, but human beings are supposed to know how to manage their anger.  When a human being does not manage his/her anger and behaves totally out of control, that is when we use terms like 'animal behaviour' don't we?


Why do we get angry is not that important a question really...but what do we do after we get angry is the real question here.  This world is not an ideal place and neither are we ever going to be completely satisfied or content with everything that is happening in our lives or around us in the world.  So surely we will be angered, irritated and disgusted and that is not in our hands.  What is in our hands though is how we can manage our reactions to anger.  We will have to start with calmer reactions on purpose.  It is not going to happen on it's own.  We will have to do it.  

I have had my issues with reaction after getting angry.  But thanks to God I was able to identify it.  I could not work on it all by myself.  Here is what I did.  Made a list of things and situations that easily triggered me off.  Then made a list of past events of such situations and wrote down how I reacted.  Then wrote down the consequences of my reaction.  What I read was really not pleasant.  I then made another list of the same events.  This time I wrote down different reactions, opposite to what I had already done.  I read it and felt so much at peace and if I had reacted this way, the consequences would have been better too.  

Here is what I realised.  There are two ways you can react to a situation.  One is the obviously easy way which we are used to and the other one would be the harder way, which we have to do on purpose.  I shared all this with Ritchie.  You cannot handle this by yourself, you need to have a supporter who would hold your hand when you get angry, even if he is the person whom you are angry with.  This is really funny actually, even if I was really mad at Ritchie for something, he would quickly say, 'I know you are angry, very angry and you are about to react.  But remember the other way that you wanted to react? use that.  Come on you can do it'.  It worked, not instantly though.  In the beginnings I would get more mad, but it's been 3 years now, and I am proud of myself.  Still a long way to go, but I know I will get there eventually.

There is one another thing I did.  I wrote down situations of my regular fights and arguments and tried to analyse them.  I talked and talked about it to Ritchie, figuring out why that person was wrong and all.  Then slowly these discussions would turn in favour of understanding that person's lifestyle and problem, and somewhere I started sympathising with them.  It really helped a lot.  And all this I do alongwith my prayers.  I am a believer and I believe that I can do nothing without God.  So actually He is the one who is guiding me here and I promise  I have never read a single book on anger management 

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19 comments:

  1. Now this is what I needed..a guide to show me a way to manage my anger. I am going to try this bcos I feel the need to take action immediately.

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    1. take small steps Poo and I am so sure you will be able to manage it :)

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  2. Suni, you do realize how sorted out you are, right.? I like the way you walk through your mistakes and make amends to things U feel are done wrong.. I have learnt so much from you, MY wine and Non veg platter on a magic carpet ;).
    My anger stems out of hurt.. When I feel, a person has hurt me badly enough to shred my soul, I first get angry follwed by apathy. I dont care a damn after that. total indifference. Again I know it is bad..so I am going to be more forgiving and try your method..yes I know I will run out of patience..But I have to try. Thank you for this post Suni :')

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    1. my english teacher in 7th standard once told me that acceptance of your short comings is the first step towards becoming a better person...I have never forgotten that Dee, and whenever I have a chance I always make sure to share my failures with people...I am so glad you liked this post.. really hope it helps you :) :)

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  3. Anger is inevitable. The main thing is how you control yourself from expressing it fiercely.
    And Happy Birthday!:)

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    1. Thank you Tarang :)

      Yes that is what I believe...anger you cannot do away with but how you express it is the key...

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  4. I think this is a very good perspective on anger and how we respond to it. The problem is we look at anger as a negative emotion, whereas it is the manifestation we should perhaps be questioning.

    Also, we feel like we need to learn how to 'control' the anger (control being the word that you have used, too), but we really need to look at its 'management'. (I think your post talks very well about 'managing' anger rather than 'controlling' it. I would urge to perhaps replace the word 'control' if you see fit :) )

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    1. T thank you very much for that feedback :) I really appreciate it and yes you are right 'control' is not what we should be doing, it should be 'managing' that feeling of anger... I have changed it in my post too :) :)

      I went to your blog and really liked the post on your home page, but it is written in Dec 2012.. why have you stopped writing??

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    2. Dec 2012? When I visited the blog, it was showing 29th July???

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  5. Happy budday!! how old is sukupedia today? great post man..anger makes u do things that u ordinarily never would. my mantra is to tune off completely. I don't speak anything when im angry. i just keep quiet..so when im quiet, people know im totally p****d out about something. and after some time, maybe a day or two, im not angry anymore.

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    1. Thank you dear :) .. Sukupedia is 3 :) ..

      You know I used to do that what you do, but I am so cheap then I want the whole world to attend to my need :( .. and if someone doesn't then there is a volcano after 2 days.. O_O

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  6. uh-oh...my bad..just saw ur squirrels and realised ur bloggie is 3 today..so happy 3rd budday blogji and may u have many more !!

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  7. I read a while back that think about the last twenty four hours and ask yourself which were the events you took hard which could have been taken lightly. And honestly I realised I am always going to practice it to control my anger.

    Richa

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    1. yes precisely... it is such a good way to manage anger if you reflect back at the past :)

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  8. Anger management is the key, as you have pointed out, and as I have realized after countless setbacks, small and big. If I start screaming every time I get angry, then I am the one who will branded a runaway hothead with serious anger management issues. If I decide, consciously, to pick my battles, then I end up copping so much abuse that it invariably leads to a violent outburst completely out of proportion to the immediate provocation in which case, I will be, rightly I suppose, branded the aggressor while the person who upset me in the first place becomes a victim. The most important aspect of anger management, the way I see it, is to learn how to regulate anger and how then to express it. I am convinced that anger must be expressed. It is a matter of teaching oneself how. Be it within one's house, or when dealing with the constant barrage of disrespect and insensitivity that is public life in India, one must learn how to be angry and yet neither completely antagonize the offending person nor make a fool out of oneself.

    I'm going to try what you did, SuKu, and write stuff down, make my own Daily Gussanama :)

    Thank you for a lovely series here on the 7 sins. I read your post on each one with eagerness and growing respect for you.

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    1. yes that first para was completely me 3 years back... I know exactly how you feel :) :)

      Thank you very much for reading my posts and I am glad you are liking them...

      You have written such a wonderful comment.. and I love the 'Gussanama' part :D :D ... why are you anonymous?? O_O

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    2. I see people responding differently to names. They assign an identity to a name and subconsciously mold their response accordingly. That identity could be anything, from that of an interesting male, to a friend, to a competing female blogger, to a foreigner, to a respected name in social media. Anon gets the most honest response. A response to the content of the comment, not the identity of the commenter.

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  9. That sounds like a practical technique of anger mgmt, Suku. Writing things down, looking at them from a different perspective... very do-able.

    Tell me... do you ever feel angry with yourself about being understanding or sympathetic to other people's journey and problems? I often find myself being angry over the fact that I forgive too easily and that if I wasn't so sensitive to other people's miseries, I might have been able to at least be properly angry at them! :|

    Does that make sense?

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