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Sunday, July 14, 2013

The Negotiator - A Weekly Reality Show (Fictional)

I am a big time fan of Reality shows, knowing fully well that most of the times the show is scripted.  But anyways who cares, sometimes a little bit of masala makes you laugh, makes you talk, makes you think so it's ok.  MTV Roadies and Apprentice are the ones I love the most.  My biggest dream is to have my own talk show, that probably will be the only place (hopefully) where I will allow someone else to talk.  But if I have to make a Reality Show then I think they would be either one of the below

1.  Maalkin Bani Maid - As the name suggests roles will be reversed and the Maalkin who manages to come to work for seven continuous days, without taking a single holiday will be the winner. 

2.  Shopping like a Woman - The Contestants here would be men, who would be expected to find out the best 'Shopping Sale' and go shopping but wearing high heel shoes.  The one who comes back with the most number of Shopping bags and with his legs intact will be the winner.

3.  The Negotiator - The Contestants are given a fixed amount.  They have to negotiate and shop for prescribed items and return before the end of game time.  The one who gets the most out of the money and reaches on time, will be declared winner.  

Okay now that I have listed down my ideas, I am really tempted to make one of them into a show.  Let me give it a try.  I think I like the third idea the best.  



Cameras will follow the 'Four' selected contestants.  Each contestant is chosen from various walks of life.  For this week the contestants will have to go to a Vegetable Vendor and buy Tomatoes.  Each one is being given Rs. 100/. They have to negotiate and bargain for prices.  They have till 6pm in the evening to return to the studios.  The one who buys the most number of tomatoes with the given money will be announced the winner.  Winner will get a prize money of 50 lakh rupees sponsored by 'The Misaan Ketchup Company'


Mr. Pandit:  A local politician who is in our show because he wants his constituency to know him better.

Mr. Daange:  A Police Officer who wants to retire if he wins this show.

Mrs. Das:  A housewife whose dream is to travel Europe with the prize money.

Laxmi Bai:  A housemaid who entered through a wild card contest.  Wild card was the answer to question 'Who played the role of Kanta Bai in Kal Ho Na Ho?' 

Start Camera..... ACTION...

Camera 1 Follows Mr. Pandit the Politician: 

At the entrance of the market, his car stops.

Pandit to his driver:  What happened why have you stopped?
Driver:  Sir the market is very busy, we cannot take the car inside
Pandit:  Oh that's ok just put the red light on top and pull the siren everyone will move
Driver:  Errr... no sir as per the contest rules we cannot use the red light, but I can still try to take the car inside
Pandit:  No no that will take a lot of time and I will not reach back on time.  You wait here I will go in by foot

Pandit reaches the vegetable market and spots a vendor who has lot's of tomatoes on his cart

Pandit:  *folding his hands* Namaskaar Bhau... how are you today?  I am a local politician
Vendor:  yes yes namaskaar.. Is it election time already?  
Pandit:  No no I am here to buy tomatoes.  How much do they cost?
Vendor:  Oh ok..I thought you have come to ask for votes.... Tomatoes are 35 rupees per kg
Pandit:  WHAT!!! 35 rupees???
Vendor:  Yes prices are very high nowadays... you should know you are in the government right?
Pandit:  How much will you give me for 100 rupees
Vendor:  *after pondering* ok I will give you a discount of 5 and give you 3 kgs for 100
Pandit:  *going closer to him* listen let's make a deal.  I am in this contest.  If I win I will give 25% of my winning money so give me 4 kgs for 100
Vendor:  *going even closer to Pandit* I remember your last promise of putting up drinking water pipeline in our area 5 years ago and we are still waiting.... what makes you think I will believe you this time... I will not give you anything more than 3kgs... take it or leave it... 

Mr. Pandit bought 3 kgs of tomatoes and is returning to the studio.

Camera 2 Follows Mr. Daange The Policeman

Mr. Daange asks his driver to stop his jeep outside the entrance.

Daange to his driver:  Constable, take this 100 rupees and go and get tomatoes
Constable:  Errrrr sorry sir, but you will have to go yourself .
Daange:  Why?  you bring vegetable for my wife everyday no?
Constable:  Yes sir but it is the contest rule, and moreover the Cameras are watching

Daange is now irritated and goes by himself.

Daange:  *Tapping his police stick on the vendor's cart* How much does the tomatoes cost?
Vendor:  *straightens up*  Rs. 35 per kg Sir
Daange:  Hmmmm Give me 3.5 kgs for Rs. 100
Vendor:  *scratching his head* You will give me money?? You are a very generous man Sir.  Your wife usually comes and shops from here but she never pays me, because she is a Policewala's wife. Thank you thank you sir.
Daange:  Okay Okay don't talk too much.  Give me those 3.5 kgs... 

The vendor hurriedly packs 3.5 kgs of tomatoes and gives it to him and Mr. Daange happy with his purchase is on his way to the studio

Camera 3 Follows Mrs. Das the Housewife

Mrs. Das gets down from the rickshaw and goes to the vendor

Mrs Das:  Ha bhai... how much is the tomatoes for?
Vendor:   It is 35 rupees Kg bhabhi
Mrs. Das:  Aarey tell me what rate you will give it to me
Vendor:  *shaking his head* What bhabhi....I have got it from the wholesale market at the price of 30 shouldn't I make atleast 5 rupees profit on them?
Mrs. Das:  *Taking out the 100 rupee note* Okay listen I will buy 3.5 kgs for 100 rupees.... it is a good deal for you also
Vendor:  *sounding sad now* What bhabhi if people like you also bargain like this....what should poor people like me do?  

Saying this he hands over a bag of 3.5 kgs of tomatoes and takes the 100 rupees from her.  Mrs. Das feels trumphant and is going back to the studio.

Camera 4 Follows Laxmi Bai the Maid.

After about an hour of following Laxmi Bai the camera crew has lost her and now waiting for her at the market.  

There is only 3 hrs left and Laxmi Bai has still not reached the place.  The crew calls up the studio

Crew 1:  Hello madam this Laxmi Bai has not yet come here.. what to do?
Madam:  What nonsense!! no you cannot move from there until 6pm...so stay there
Crew 1:  *disappointed* Ok madam

Now there is only 1 hr left and still no sign of Laxmi Bai.  The vendor has started to pack up for the day. Disappointed and bored our crew has suddenly spotted a frail figure running towards the market. Immediately they turn the camera towards her.  Yes, yes it is Laxmi Bai!!

Laxmi Bai to the vendor:  Bhau are you closing down *Laxmi seems very sad*
Vendor:  Yes about to ... do you want to buy anything
Laxmi:  Oh I was about to come earlier but my brother met with an accident and I had to take him to hospital *wiping her eyes with her saree pallu*
Vendor:  *concerned*  Oh that is bad... how is he now?  don't you have anyone else at home?
Laxmi:  He is in the hospital and my husband does not like him so I will have to do all by myself.

*The Crew who is hearing all this is feeling bad for Laxmi Bai now*

Vendor:  What can I give you?
Laxmi:  I have to make soup for my brother, so I will take tomatoes and since I cannot come down every day I will take them in bulk... how much are they?
Vendor:  30 rupees Kg...since I am closing down now
Laxmi:  *again wiping her eyes* Oh dear God how is a poor woman like me to live in this world
Laxmi:  No brother I cannot buy so expensive.
Vendor:  wait! how much do you want...I will have to carry them home anyways... might as well sell it to you
Laxmi:  I want 4 kgs...but I have only 100 rupees
Vendor:  Okayy... give me that 100 rupees... and here is your 4 kgs of tomatoes.. may God heal your brother soon.  I have thrown in a couple of extra tomatoes too....
Laxmi:  Thank you very much bhau .. may God bless you .. you are very kind... 

As Laxmi is walking towards the studio... The Crew asks her about her brother

Crew 1:  What happened to your brother?
Laxmi Bai:  Which brother?
Crew 1:  The one that has had accident
Laxmi Bai:  *laughing* aarey I don't have any brother... just one sister.  This is what I tell my memsahib everytime I want a leave... as of now my non existent brother has had 30 accidents...and can you believe each time this works *chuckling*
Crew 1:  *disgusted*  So you lied??
Laxmi Bai:  *defensively* no no I negotiated.  Late in the evening the vendors are always in a hurry to leave and give them a pity story you will always get a good bargain.  I do this everyday.  How do you think we poor people survive 

All the contestants are in the studio now.  The anchor announces Laxmi Bai as the winner.  Laxmi Bai is very happy with the money she has won.  She plans to open a vegetable store for herself and a laundry for her husband  ♥♥♥

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

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  1. Great story and very well written! My guess was that the policeman will win and Laxmi Bai would get the least number of tomatoes. Guess I just underestimated her abilities :)

    1. oh she mighty powerful ... even more than the policeman and the politician :D

  2. Ha ha..go ahead and direct a reality show Suku. :D This was hilarious. I love the fact that you have used tomatoes which I heard are pretty expensive in India currently.

    1. yes I heard it too.. and thought of using it as a prop :D

  3. Oh this was too good! I was quite expecting Laxmi Bai to win the show, but the dialogues were too funny.
    How about you write a script for your second idea too? I'd love to read about men shopping in high heels! And yes, how they fare in those 50% sales, and ek-ke-saath-ek-free sales, where people are falling over each other!
    UBC Day 13 - "Be Free. Be You."

    1. Thank you Chicky :) ...

      Oh it will fun no to write on that.. should give a try at the second one too :D :D

  4. Great reality show ideas and formats. Maalkin bani maid should be fun to watch, if it is implemented! :D

    1. yes to see if the Maalkin can come up with some fake ideas for taking leaves :D :D

  5. LOL, one of the most out of box entries I have ever read. You know, I can easy win this contest. I am good at bargaining and I am never tempted. Just the perfect combo :)

    1. :) :) .. thank you saru :) .. i am not really very good at bargaining... really Ritchie is a guru when it comes to shopping :)

  6. Good show...if this goes in air...will have máx TRP rates. Too gud.

    1. hmmmm now I have to find a producer :D :D

  7. Definitely a Wow post - well thought out, different and witty. Good one. Thoroughly enjoyed :)I am just thinking how much thought and effort you have put in this one.

    1. :) :) thank you Reema.. glad you liked it :) .. it was a blessing that this idea came through :)


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