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Friday, August 2, 2013

Woman - what is her worth??


Yesterday felt really wierd.  After posting each day for the last month on this blog, yesterday all that I was doing was sleep, sleep and sleep :D.  Last month was the Ultimate Blog Challenge, where you guys read a post everyday written by me.  I thought of giving you guys a break, and let you enjoy some other wonderful writings.  Yes, SuKupedia is hosting it's first GUEST POST series :)

Today's guest is someone whom I must confess that I was very apprehensive, whether she would accept to do a Guest Post on my blog or not.  I have been following her blog for sometime now.  She also has her story printed in the Kaleidoscope, a book which is a collection of 25 stories from different writers. Remember that picture of a fairy reading out stories to children, Nabanita Dhar of Random Thoughts reminds me of that fairy.  I have always loved her story writing skill.  But don't be under the impression that Naba only writes stories. You can see what I mean, when you read her post.   Without any delay, I present to you what Naba things is the worth of a woman??

Woman - what is her worth??


What is the worth of a woman in your eyes? Is she only someone’s daughter or wife? Is her life only defined by the dishes she cooks for her husband and family? Is her life only for smoothing out the creases in her family’s life? Is being a cook and cleaner all that is there to her existence? What is the worth of a woman?

During a conversation with an acquaintance a few months back, I realized again, how awfully narrow minded our society’s perception of the fairer sex really is. Abysmal and depressing to say the least! Everything related to the female gender is scoffed at by this perennially pathetic society of ours. It makes me sad and angry at the same time. I don’t know about you but, I certainly feel India is among those countries where women are viewed only through the tainted glasses of prejudice. We, as a society are extremely regressive when it comes to women which, believe me is not a pleasant thing to know especially when you yourself are a woman.

So coming back to the conversation, it was with a woman about four years my senior. She is very much a woman of today. Well atleast I thought so up until that conversation with her. I was left aghast when she pointed out to me that having my husband help me in the household chores, however small, would earn me a place in hell. Yes, you read that right! Hell! According to her, starting from washing his coffee mug to ironing his clothes, all were my duties! And to add on to that if I didn’t do it or if he had to run those errands by himself, it would make me a despicable wife worthy of being ostracized. Well, confused or tongue tied are you? So was I!

Honestly I didn’t really know what to say. A part of me wanted to fight back but then I realized that it is not really her fault. That’s what she must have been taught all through her life. She was just saying what had been hardcoded in her mind by her parents or family perhaps. I could have deliberated with her but my past experiences have taught me that there’s just no way to breach the hardened shells of women like her. Infact of anybody with such stiffened orthodox views irrespective of gender! But that’s not even the question here. The question is why this society in the form of parents or relatives inculcates such thoughts in a woman. Why? And why do women play along?

I don’t know perhaps it has got to do with the sort of family one hails from. Perhaps it has got to do with education. Or, it might even have something to do with financial security of the family or person! I don’t really have the answers. But it is painful to see that young women of today also happily accept the archaic belief system which advocates that the almighty husband’s only job is to earn. It is upsetting to see that young women of today as well feel that washing dishes and cooking for their husbands is their sole objective in life. It irks me when I see a female sermonizing on the validity of the antediluvian notion of the male gender’s supremacy.

How can we as women fight back to change perceptions when our own female companions feel it’s reprehensible to do so? We can fight the society and force it to change. But for that those within our own ranks, from the huge army of women in this land, need to abandon these perceptions too.

We cannot have women living in the corrupt fallacy that has been handed down since generations. If that happens we would be pulled back again and again to the same shackles of prejudice that we have been fighting against forever. We need to know that we are not born only to cook and feed the men in our lives. We are so much more. We need to realize our worth; the Indian society would never give us our due. We need to fight with the young and old alike and take what is ours. The respect we deserve won’t be handed to us on a golden platter. Believe me! Well atleast our history definitely suggests so and I’m not talking about our exaggerated mythological history of Goddesses.

So my dear woman folk will you stand up and fight for yourself in even the trivial things in life? And men, will you help your mothers, sisters, wives and daughters fight the demons of our jaundiced society? Will you?



Oh Woman, strive for what is yours,
You are special and so much more!
Oh Woman, break the shackles that oppress,
Don’t toil for your man’s each and every chore!
Oh Woman, dawn the cloak of progress,
Don’t have all your wishes repressed!


--- Nabanita Dhar.


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47 comments:

  1. Hey suku..back to your blog after a long time. hope you are doing good:)
    and that was a lovely guest post by Nabanita. Agree with all that you said, and yes, its not uncommon to see woman who seem to be having a pretty modern outlook yet with a retrogressive mentality towards females and how they should lead their lives.
    A lot has changed but a lot needs to be done.

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    1. Sarah.. you just disappeared ya...so good to see you dear :) :)

      After I read Naba's post...I was thinking that education really should inspire these women, instead they are just going down in centuries...

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    2. Thanks Sarah..and you are right a lot needs to be done!

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  2. In the olden days it was," Man for the farm and woman for the hearth". But it worked fine when the duties and responsibilities of the two were well-defined and demarcated. But with the 'modern' times the woman had to go out of the home to earn and bring the moolah, the problem of well-defined and demarcated duties began to blur.Even today there are many working ladies who hesitate to tell openly that her man does the dishes at home. Why is it so?

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    1. exactly.. you said it all Kalpana.. today when a woman can go out and work and a husband can proudly boast about it, I have no idea why if a man does the dishes a woman cannot say it aloud....

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    2. I know Kalpana..wonder why this difference...!

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  3. I'm surprised that some women still think this way but as you say it was probably hardcoded into her brain as a child. It may be hard to change individuals like that but it's not to late to start with our own selves and even our children. I know my daughters would not be thinking like that. Great guest post. Happy Friday.

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    1. yes... so much depends upon how & with what teachings you bring up your child...

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    2. Very true, we need to start from our own homes and perhaps in that way one day this disparity will no longer exist!

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  4. Yes, truly agreed. Such a good example where women herself do not want be freed from patriarchy system. Either it’s her father, husband or son, who will dominate her for the rest of her life. This orthodox perceptions need to be changed. And only women herself can bring that change.

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    1. so true anu.. I think so too.. infact the women who talk like this forget that even the right for them to talk has been earned after ages of fight...

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    2. Very true unless women fight these stereotypes themselves, its really unlikely that anyone else will !

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  5. I've seen both the worlds. Back at my place my father equally helped in all household chores...My mom a teacher had to leave by 7 AM and Pa would leave around 9, so all the mornin chores, getting work done from the maids, watering the plants, even the first chai were his duty.

    And here at my in-laws place, it's like FIL is treated like a Lord!! When I say he doesn't lift his finger, I mean literally every word of it. But it's just the way they are. No complaints and no expectations that the next generation lead the same kind of Life.

    I've spoken about this to hubby and to my MIL as well. And it is not their fault. It is the upbringing. It is the patriarchal social system that is to be blamed.

    How can this change? Only we can change this! It is the women who need to change. Be open to our better halves, learn to say NO, learn to live your dreams, train your Sons to be better human beings so that they can learn to respect the individual that each woman is.

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    1. that is a very good example you have given Aditi... such a stark difference... absoultely agree.. it is all about how you have been brought up and so important to communicate these thoughts among spouses...

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    2. Very true Aditi its the women who need to carry the baton of change!

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  6. It seems in these day in age if you are a stay at home mom and don't work outside of the home you are looked at by society as worthless. More and more, women here in my country are expected to be just as successful as men in the work place. Be leaders. Unfortunately I have taken the traditional route and stayed home with my kids when they were born. It has been a hard road because when things don't go quite right...I am the escape goat and always to blame for all life's problems. My own grandparents basically disowned me for having the balls to stay home with my kids when I had a good job. So here I still am, 13 years later. I finally have an extremely part time job..but my contributions to the home are really not counted and appreciated. I can certainly identify with what you wrote. Hopefully women will bring about change and will one day stand on an equal footing.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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    1. that is a bane women all around are fighting... being a housewife or stay at mom is being treated as being 'jobless'... the world forgets how much work it requires.. and it is like a full time employment where you don't even get paid or appreciated....

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    2. Kathy the society or the world never wants to give a woman her worth.. whether a housewife or a working woman, every woman is worth so much more than the world acknowledges her for!

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  7. I agree with you Nabanita. We still live in stone age when it comes to a few things. I still believe that women themselves need to change their beliefs about other women if things have to change. But, sorry to say, I don't see it happening anytime soon.

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    1. so right Poo.. atleast with the kind of upbringing most of them are getting... there seems to be a long way to go

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    2. Me too Pooja, sadly I'm also not so positive for I know how deep this rust has seeped !

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  8. Oh wow you 're so worth stalking - amazing currents here.... and I thought I was the only maddened woman writer. Major appreciation and pl dont stop,.

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    1. well this is actually Nabanita's post... but I am sure she will appreciate your compliment :)

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  9. OMG!! A place in hell if the husband helps in household chores!! Outrageous! What times are we living in? It is truly sad that if women themselves have such regressive thoughts/approach, how will the much needed change in the society happen. It is like we are taking a step forward and then 2 steps backward! :|

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    1. place in hell...sach mein.. when I read that I was so shocked myself... I mean that too coming from a so called modern woman...

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    2. Oh yes I know what you mean !

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  10. Very good post. Obviously, since it's by Nabanita.
    And she knows how vehemently I agree with her.

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  11. As you said, kinda speechless. Who thinks like that, I wonder. Thank God, I don't have such people around me.

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    1. I am just praising Naba's patience here actually.. If someone had said that to me... i would sent that person to hell.. seriously.. what nuts we have around ya...

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    2. Ohh yes its better to be far away from such people Saru!

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  12. the times have changed, but the mindset remains the same! society is cruel. Times have changed, laws still remain the same! why so? I am not saying to give full liberty to one sex, but it should be equally distributed!

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    1. Sadly Saurabh the scale seems to be biased only for a particular sex!

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    2. A law can only be made available to the public Saurabh..but it is people like you and me who are really supposed to make the differece...by inculcating these thoughts in our daily lives...

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  13. Nice post.. Every women should fight and retaliate if she is not respected enough.. It is sad that even if she does the household chores all day.. She is just considered the last person in the family.. But I am saddened to say that I have observed that its women themselves who demoralise other woman.. I have seen some ladies bashing out wrong things about each other in public just because they cannot stand each others success.. It's we who have Rostand for ourselves and stop tolerating mediocre behaviour towards us.. I know it's easier said than done.. But each time I read such posts on women empowerment I get hope that times will change and our worth will be recognised.. Glad that you come u p each time with theses thought provocating posts.. Keep writing..!

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    1. Thanks Priya... I don't know what else we can do but perhaps talking about these issues over and over again would change someone, somewhere!

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    2. So much agree with what Naba has to say Priya... even i have started believing that probably talking more and more about these issues would help someone make some sort of a change...

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  14. It is indeed depressing to see most of the women losing confidence in themselves and not showing the guts to fight back. They themselves accept the prejudices set by the society and think that their ideal place is at her man's feet. Ya, there is a small number of women who dare to venture with men in the professional world but again the number is very less... But I am beginning to see a ray of hope as the number is increasing although slowly...

    #Respect Women !!

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    1. Yes, perhaps some day, maybe not in near future, this number will increase so much that those accepting the prejudices will be in the minority! And yes Pritam #Respect Women :)

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    2. I am not sure Pritam if they are loosing confidence or adding blocks to the fight itself, when they accept the prejudices.... but as Naba said, yes someday perhaps the numbers will increase...

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    3. Its not about loosing confidence and not fighting back. It is simply tiredness. Tiredness to fight for every basic thing. No man can understand this because many things in daily life which they take for granted, a woman in same circumstances have to fight and that too with a mammoth army. Where is so much energy? Do we have special system inside us to produce extra energy to fight such shits?? I am fed up to discuss such things and expect any change..

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    4. I see where you come from simple girl... have felt that so many times... you are so true when you say men take so many things for granted which women have to really fight for.. it makes me sick too... but don't loose hope someday we will stop fighting because someday everyone will understand :)

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  15. You know what, I keep thinking about things which I want to teach my child while growing up, respecting women, helping around the house, sharing chores, being able to take care of himself are amongst the top.
    I totally understand where that lady is coming from. It is the conditioning of the mind. It cannot go away so fast. So many generations of women have lived their lives holding those beliefs to their hearts but of course it is our duty, as the nurturers of next generation that they free themselves of these notions which pull us back rather than propel us ahead.

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    1. Indeed Reema it is upto us...maybe one day we will be able to change the perspective of a certain percentage of women who still believe in these patriarchal rules..

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    2. yes you said it Reema ... it is so important to weed away these long grown seeds from the minds of genext and time to plant in some fresh ideologies....

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